Today is an important day. A day of remembrance and of love. It is a date that changed the entire course of my life. I hope you’ll make it to the bottom of this post.
Eight years ago today, I suffered a lost in my life so great that it shattered every piece of my heart into pieces. It left me absolutely broken.
Within seconds of getting the news of this loss, my view of the world around me and everyone and everything in it changed. When you love someone with your whole heart and they die tragically and unexpectedly…it changes you. Forever. In my case, it made me grow in many ways, but especially into a person that is stronger, more compassionate and one that doesn’t let the small miracles in each day go unnoticed.
And eventually, into a person who wasn’t afraid to continue to love those around her with her whole heart.
I look back on this day and remember the awful tragedy and pain that I experienced. I look back and remember the years of struggle to climb past the tragedy and to grow in all of the lessons that God had placed before me. I didn’t want to miss a single one. I hope I didn’t. I know that I still learn every day.
I truly wish that I could travel back in time and tell the 27-year-old version of myself that everything was going to be ok. That I was going to change – A LOT – but that in time, I would heal and grow in strength and in love. And that when I was whole again…there was love waiting for me on the other side of all that pain and struggle. Love that would fill my heart and make my dreams come true.
My favorite quote has always been “the only thing constant is change – Francois de la Rochefoucald”. I still believe that it is an important idea to understand in this ever changing world that we live in. But I am SO thankful that the other constant that we can count on is God’s presence in our lives. I know it was my faith that carried me through that experience and brought me forward to today.
8 years ago I was told to start planning a funeral.
But Today, I filled my home in the morning with the smell of freshly baked pumpkin bread and shared it with a friend who giggled with me about the joy our children bring us.
Today, I played with my son and enjoyed every minute of his curious little mind questioning (every single thing in) the world around him. I watch him grow and laugh and play and it makes my heart beam.
Today, my husband came home from work.
Today, I giggled over a family dinner and I enjoyed a walk with my son. We took in every sight and sound that our Cub discovered in our neighborhood with wonder.
Today, we ate homemade blueberry, honeydew melon ice pops that dripped all over us on the front porch.
Today, I discovered just how hilarious and exciting a game of Pop Up Pirate can be with a two and a half year old.
Today, I read many more bedtime books than usual, and loved every single story, as I snuggled my little boy in his rocker and thanked God for his life, my husband’s and for mine (as I do every day).
Today, my family (my family!) enjoyed the peace that is ever present in our lives and home. May we always be blessed with such peace.
I am not sure who will read this post or who it will reach. But since I can not go back in time to tell the broken 27-year-old version of myself to hold on. I thought I would post on this topic tonight.
There was a time that all I felt I had left in my life was my God and my faith in Him. And I am so thankful that I was raised with this faith and love for God, because I do know that it carried me through those dark days.
Whatever loss you face, however deep the pain that you feel…hold onto your faith and you will be rewarded. God’s plan can be downright terrifying when you don’t understand it. But the walk through the valley will pass.
And just like today, the sun will come back and shine brightly in your heart and in your life. Living life to the fullest. Reopening your heart to love fully and completely…is by far the best way to honor those that go home before us.
Thanks for reading,
Chew Chew Mama